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Parent Communications Model

The following six-step process allows adults to communicate care and support and be specific about issues that concern them.

I Care     Let the young people know that he/she is important to you and to others.

I See     Focus on specific behaviors or issues. What did you see or hear that caused you concern? Focus on the behavior rather than the person.

I feel     Give the person the benefit of knowing how you feel about your concern. Feelings are expressed with one word, example, I feel angry or I feel worried.

Pause and Listen     Be prepared for silence, denials, anger, a sad or tragic story, or an emotional outpouring. Just listen without responding at this point.

I Will     Then, let the child know what you are prepared to do to support him/her.

Helpful Hints:

1. Consider the time and place.
   It is best to talk with a young person away from others.
2. Rehearse.
   This kind of dialogue is often uncomfortable for both parties. Practicing what you plan to say will help you maintain control. Also, anticipate the young person's response and know how you will reply.
3. Leave the door open.
   This may be your time to talk, but not the young persons. Let the person know you would be willing to talk some other time. Remember: you are responsible for the process, not the outcome. Parents can share their concern and offer to help. However, the young person is ultimately responsible for his/her behavior and for taking action to change it.
4. Know your limits.
   Be prepared with resources. Offer to help the young person contact and use resources.

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